What About Bob

My personality type demands that I analyze a situation from all sides, examining all roles and outcomes of all possible actions. I can be impulsive when making some decisions, but when it comes to the important ones, I tend to take my time: months for semi-important; possibly years for truly life-altering. When the decision is made, I know that I’m ready because I’ve thought of everything about the situation. It is what it is and it will be what I make it, once I decide.

Last week, I did something that might have looked impulsive to someone looking from the outside in, but in reality, it was a long time coming.

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Packing some peace

Did you know that the best laid plans go wherever socks disappear to? Although I read on the Internets lately that socks mostly get lost somewhere in the washer’s inside doohickeys and often end up out the water pipe, hence they should always be in a zipped sock bag. So let’s go with the best laid plans end up wherever all my pens and ponytail holders do, some nether region I couldn’t find on a map if I tried, a magical place propelled by a similarly magical force of pilfering, i.e., stealing said items never to be seen again.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I’m glad you asked.

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Summer Bloggy Burst

Announcer: We interrupt this bloggy hiatus to bring you a special report from the surface of the sun. Our correspondent, Tara, is braving the elements to bring us the latest.

Tara?

Me: Well, I don’t know who you are, and I’m not actually on the surface of the sun, but it sure does feel like it. Happy to provide an update, though.

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Me, bursting through to say hi!

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Lip service

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Artist rendering of me at work, with my mouth shut (rare occurrence these days).

These are dangerous times, my friends. The word dam that filters what I’m thinking and keeps it from actually coming out of my mouth has sprung a few leaks of late. I can’t help it — I hold stuff in until it has nowhere else to go but out, and often unexpectedly, even to me.

The fact that I’ve been binge-watching shows that often feature sarcasm, because OF COURSE I would find that amusing, probably isn’t helping.

Case in point: last week, I immediately thought of a quote from Veep after I answered a (stupid) question. The quote, by Richard Splett, assistant to Selina Meyer: “You know, I’m saying all of this out loud, and I probably shouldn’t be.”

AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION

The Powers That Be, walking in the door: “Do you have a ChapStick?”

“No,” I said. Then, without warning, “Well, no, and if I did, it would be mine, which would mean it was open and used, which would mean you couldn’t use it, so I would have to have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me. So do I have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me? Well, the answer to that would be no.”

I’d say it’d be wise if my ChapStick were made of SuperGlue, but who am I kidding? Stupid question gets a stupid answer.

When a mouth does more than smile

My brain took a tangent from Ally Bean’s post today and reminded me of these two things I said recently without realizing they were coming out of my mouth until they were long said:

“I don’t have time to explain to you why things take so much time.”

and

“If you keep calling so many things priorities, pretty soon the priorities list is going to be a horizontal line.”

My priority:
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Thanks, Pixabay, for the pic!

Tax-tastic

I’ve just finished my taxes and am getting ready to send in my check (electronic payment incurs a fee — no, government, I won’t pay you to send you my money). Came across this gem on the voucher instructions:

IRS Payment Voucher: No checks of $100 million or more accepted. The IRS can’t accept a single check (including a cashier’s check) for amounts of $100,000,000 ($100 million) or more. If you are sending $100 million or more by check, you will need to spread the payments over two or more checks, with each check made out for an amount less than $100 million.

*sigh* Great. What a freakin’ inconvenience, eh?