Artist rendering of me at work, with my mouth shut (rare occurrence these days).
These are dangerous times, my friends. The word dam that filters what I’m thinking and keeps it from actually coming out of my mouth has sprung a few leaks of late. I can’t help it — I hold stuff in until it has nowhere else to go but out, and often unexpectedly, even to me.
The fact that I’ve been binge-watching shows that often feature sarcasm, because OF COURSE I would find that amusing, probably isn’t helping.
Case in point: last week, I immediately thought of a quote from Veep after I answered a (stupid) question. The quote, by Richard Splett, assistant to Selina Meyer: “You know, I’m saying all of this out loud, and I probably shouldn’t be.”
AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION
The Powers That Be, walking in the door: “Do you have a ChapStick?”
“No,” I said. Then, without warning, “Well, no, and if I did, it would be mine, which would mean it was open and used, which would mean you couldn’t use it, so I would have to have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me. So do I have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me? Well, the answer to that would be no.”
…
I’d say it’d be wise if my ChapStick were made of SuperGlue, but who am I kidding? Stupid question gets a stupid answer.
Honestly, who the hell borrows ChapStick?
But yeah, maybe a simple “no” would have sufficed in this case 😉
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I know, RIGHT?
Does not compute. Does not compute. Does not compute.
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Right!
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T,
Who shares Chapstick? What in the blessed hell are these people thinking and what planet are they coming from?
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I’m at a loss. I head-shake so much, I have the fittest neck in all the land! That’s why the dam keeps leaking… so much coming at me that’s SO STUPID, I can’t possible be expected to keep it all inside!!
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No you can’t, and you shouldn’t. It’s dangerous when you bottle all those thoughts.
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True dat. Word up. Exactly.
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If you share Chapstick, you don’t deserve your lips.
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*picturing him lipless*… …. … bwahahahahaha
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Hey, I just came up with a tag line for Chapstick “Our lips are healed”.
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Someone pay the man!
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Boom! LOL
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*singing The Go-Gos now, quite happily so*
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Good song!
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Those gals didn’t write a bad one!
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They really didn’t.
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Is Chapstick not sexist nowadays?
Should we have a Chapessstick, or chappettestick? *
By now, all non British will be thinking “Who is this idiot”. Tara, of course, will be saying it out loud!
*chap is a slang word for “man”
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Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of that, Peter. I bet the makers of ChapStick didn’t think of that, just about chapped lips. Isn’t it funny how things mean different things in various parts of the world? Like the V sign with two fingers here means victory. I believe it means something else entirely elsewhere.
Thank all non-British for thinking WHO IS THIS IDIOT? See, now you’ve got me all proud: I’m saying it out loud for all those who can’t or won’t but want to! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! 🙂
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BAHAHA! Oh that’s good though. SO bad it’s good 🙂
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Tara – I like the way the title tied into the “lip service” chapstick topic
– and ewww –
We sure don’t share chapsticks
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Thanks much, Yvette. And EWWWWW times infinity. Glad you agree!!!
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😊
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And PS
You are cool
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Awww. Fenks.
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