Lip service

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Artist rendering of me at work, with my mouth shut (rare occurrence these days).

These are dangerous times, my friends. The word dam that filters what I’m thinking and keeps it from actually coming out of my mouth has sprung a few leaks of late. I can’t help it — I hold stuff in until it has nowhere else to go but out, and often unexpectedly, even to me.

The fact that I’ve been binge-watching shows that often feature sarcasm, because OF COURSE I would find that amusing, probably isn’t helping.

Case in point: last week, I immediately thought of a quote from Veep after I answered a (stupid) question. The quote, by Richard Splett, assistant to Selina Meyer: “You know, I’m saying all of this out loud, and I probably shouldn’t be.”

AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION

The Powers That Be, walking in the door: “Do you have a ChapStick?”

“No,” I said. Then, without warning, “Well, no, and if I did, it would be mine, which would mean it was open and used, which would mean you couldn’t use it, so I would have to have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me. So do I have an unopened, unused ChapStick on me? Well, the answer to that would be no.”

I’d say it’d be wise if my ChapStick were made of SuperGlue, but who am I kidding? Stupid question gets a stupid answer.

24 Comments

    1. I’m at a loss. I head-shake so much, I have the fittest neck in all the land! That’s why the dam keeps leaking… so much coming at me that’s SO STUPID, I can’t possible be expected to keep it all inside!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  1. Is Chapstick not sexist nowadays?
    Should we have a Chapessstick, or chappettestick? *

    By now, all non British will be thinking “Who is this idiot”. Tara, of course, will be saying it out loud!
    *chap is a slang word for “man”

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of that, Peter. I bet the makers of ChapStick didn’t think of that, just about chapped lips. Isn’t it funny how things mean different things in various parts of the world? Like the V sign with two fingers here means victory. I believe it means something else entirely elsewhere.

      Thank all non-British for thinking WHO IS THIS IDIOT? See, now you’ve got me all proud: I’m saying it out loud for all those who can’t or won’t but want to! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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