I’ve so done this before. The thing about life, though — similar things keep happening and you have to handle them. So I breathe and reboot, take 1,000. *clapboard claps*
I’ve held my tongue. I’ve kept my mouth shut. Until the past few weeks.
Bits and pieces came out, then a deluge of truth I could no longer keep to myself. It’s a good thing I like solitude, because once you tell people what’s really going on, they often don’t want to spend time with you after that.
I have a high tolerance, for everything. More joy? Well, I can intake a lot, then eventually I’m going to need a nap. Dealing with other people’s bullshit? Well, that does have a tipping point, I’m afraid. It’s a lot higher than most people’s. It takes talent for people to reach it, but once they do, look out. I tip over and start spilling whatever’s in there all over whoever put it there (I’m nice in that I don’t just start spewing at indeterminate people who simply may be in the wrong place at the wrong time — I go to the source).
I’ve tipped at two people/experiences recently. Let me provide some vague insight: Simply because I’m capable does NOT mean I am always at your disposal and/or the only person who can do whatever you need done; just because your definition of “busy” is different than mine does not mean you can try to Bogart my limited free time; just because I’m nearby and/or one of the smartest people you know, I am NOT the only person you should consult with your nonsense; and just because in your mind it’s my responsibility to do whatever it is you need done because I am a female member of this group — uh, no, you do realize what century this is, yes? NOTE: I’m always available for true emergencies, but your definition of that and mine are VASTLY different.
I purged. I truth-ed all over several people.
I’m on the road to better. I’m at the beginning, at the YOU ARE HERE sign.
I don’t usually let it get to that point. My theory is that two similar simultaneous situations occurred and that led to some overwhelm. Who can I see about scheduling these things at alternate times? (or not at all)
I’ve said my piece(s) and I’ve done what I can do to reset/set new boundaries. I don’t have hope that some will stick, but while that’s working itself out, I will find even more new things to fill my well and to keep me busy, i.e., out of the line of sight, i.e., out of having to deal with these things so often. The plus to that: additional unforeseen positive things might arise. No, difficult people, I will not thank you for that possibility.
Boy, this sounds hopeful. You should have been here this weekend, last week, last weekend. You might not believe the writer now and she who was experiencing these things this past week are the same person. But therein lies the truth about the truth: once you stop walking on eggshells and speak your piece, you feel better.
I feel better.
Now to feel better-er, and to focus more on me.
Deep breath. Here I go… again.