Breathe and reboot (ad nauseum)

clapper-2140602_640

Breathe and reboot, take 1,000. *claps*

I’ve so done this before. The thing about life, though — similar things keep happening and you have to handle them. So I breathe and reboot, take 1,000. *clapboard claps*

I’ve held my tongue. I’ve kept my mouth shut. Until the past few weeks.

Bits and pieces came out, then a deluge of truth I could no longer keep to myself. It’s a good thing I like solitude, because once you tell people what’s really going on, they often don’t want to spend time with you after that.

I have a high tolerance, for everything. More joy? Well, I can intake a lot, then eventually I’m going to need a nap. Dealing with other people’s bullshit? Well, that does have a tipping point, I’m afraid. It’s a lot higher than most people’s. It takes talent for people to reach it, but once they do, look out. I tip over and start spilling whatever’s in there all over whoever put it there (I’m nice in that I don’t just start spewing at indeterminate people who simply may be in the wrong place at the wrong time — I go to the source).

I’ve tipped at two people/experiences recently. Let me provide some vague insight: Simply because I’m capable does NOT mean I am always at your disposal and/or the only person who can do whatever you need done; just because your definition of “busy” is different than mine does not mean you can try to Bogart my limited free time; just because I’m nearby and/or one of the smartest people you know, I am NOT the only person you should consult with your nonsense; and just because in your mind it’s my responsibility to do whatever it is you need done because I am a female member of this group — uh, no, you do realize what century this is, yes? NOTE: I’m always available for true emergencies, but your definition of that and mine are VASTLY different.

I purged. I truth-ed all over several people.

I’m on the road to better. I’m at the beginning, at the YOU ARE HERE sign.

paper-3327341_640

You all coordinate your bullsh*t so it doesn’t occur the same week(s), nkay?

I don’t usually let it get to that point. My theory is that two similar simultaneous situations occurred and that led to some overwhelm. Who can I see about scheduling these things at alternate times? (or not at all)

I’ve said my piece(s) and I’ve done what I can do to reset/set new boundaries. I don’t have hope that some will stick, but while that’s working itself out, I will find even more new things to fill my well and to keep me busy, i.e., out of the line of sight, i.e., out of having to deal with these things so often. The plus to that: additional unforeseen positive things might arise. No, difficult people, I will not thank you for that possibility.

Boy, this sounds hopeful. You should have been here this weekend, last week, last weekend. You might not believe the writer now and she who was experiencing these things this past week are the same person. But therein lies the truth about the truth: once you stop walking on eggshells and speak your piece, you feel better.

I feel better.

Now to feel better-er, and to focus more on me.

Deep breath. Here I go… again.

19 Comments

  1. Wow!

    This is painfully relatable to me, and I wish it weren’t for your sake because whatever it was, it sounds like it sucked.

    I tend to be a non-people person at times. And I’m really quite good at it. As in, go buy a cabin in the middle of nowhere and never come back. That kind.

    You need to breathe. As you’re doing. The rest, I’m afraid I am no help. But props for the venting, that was a good thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure my trials and tribulations are humanly familiar to many. For all of us, I wish that wouldn’t be.

      I admit to you, since you said about your cabin, I have, on more than one occasion, said under my breath, “One day, I’m going to leave and I’m never coming back.”

      Breathing… ahhhhhhhhh. Thanks for the props. Mental vomiting is required sometimes, but with this bunch, more often is required, I think….

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. Dealing with other people’s bullshit? Well, that does have a tipping point…

    Amen to that. I’m glad that you truth-ed on some people who needed to be told what’s what. In the last few years I’ve found myself in similar situations to the ones you describe and you know? I won’t be used anymore. It’s a weirdly exciting, yet somewhat unsettling, feeling to establish boundaries with people who do not have your best interest at heart. 🤨

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I’ve truthed this truth on people before. Funny, people just don’t listen it seems. I’m sure I’ll have to do it again, knowing who I’m dealing with here.

      I’m sorry you had similar situations. They suck. It’s a good feeling to say and yet yes it is unsettling a wee bit. But the equilibrium is returning to normal in my world.

      My favorite part of your comment is that, even with not being too specific, you nailed on the head the fact that these people are self-centered types who don’t have my best interest at heart. I gave an IRL friend some deets, just a glimpse of a tale about one, that “he doesn’t even see you as a person, just means to an end for what he wants/needs.” *nodding* The days of me giving until I fall over and, oh I don’t know, have a panic attack in traffic due to the stress of it all, are LONG gone. Thank goodness I’ve been practicing self-care for years. I’m so much better at it now… though I shall still practice, since the tipping point(s) occurred/may occur again…

      Thanks for the comment and the bloggy support. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. You have to set your boundaries. People out there will suck you dry. I had to “break up” with a girl friend years ago because she was an energy vampire. If I had a cold, she had pneumonia, if I had an experience, she had a triple one. Fine. Whatever floats your boat. However, in those situations, she would drain me with her needs and wants (as they were vastly more important than mine, you understand).
    As I get older (how can I be soon 55?) I have started putting my needs a little higher on that totem pole. And learning to say “no” is friggen empowering. And gets easier with each one!

    Like

    Reply

  4. I am new to your blog and whew – I really like your style – be back later to check in more – but have enjoyed the posts I read today (esp this reboot one) and look forward to connecting via blogosphere

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Right on. I stopped walking on eggshells in my mid-20s. I had been doing it all my life, and I had gotten good at it, AT MY OWN EXPENSE. So now, I sorta bounce around and if I crush some up into finer pieces, so be it.
    The truth will set you free! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. The eggshell walking (does that need a hyphen?) has decreased dramatically since The Divorce, but let me tell you, I’m reaching all new levels of Toddler Let Me Tell You Exactly What I’m Thinking, and it’s GLORIOUS. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a Reply to Prior... Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.