The password is… MORON

I’m surprised I allowed myself to be confused for so long. After other things that have happened here, it should have been crystal clear to me what the answer was. Not only that, at this point I think I should quit my day job and enter the military as a code breaker. I have an untapped skill set I could use for good and it would save me from dealing with this moronitude any longer.

login-570317_640I can’t tell you how many times, in a job I’ve only been in for 8 months or so, I’ve gone to do something that required a password and the password was wrong. This wouldn’t happen if I had always been here, of course. I’m on top of updating lists of important things, like passwords. In my non-working life, I even have one of those password “address” books that I regularly keep updating. EVEN the million times I have to keep changing my CVS password, because I can never remember that one on the fly, when I don’t have the book with me, and I get creative when I make new passwords… so creative that I then can’t remember them (HENCE THE BOOK).

But this… this takes the cake.

Passwords that include letters on the keyboard no one ever uses. Passwords that think they’re clever, but they include common information anyone would try to use and they would only have to play around with capital letters to figure out. Passwords that are printed out / saved in our (useless) office manual in a sans serif font and include many a capital I, which looks like a lowercase l. (Cap I? Cap L? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE… or is it ASSHOIE?)

Fast forward to today. I go to lunch after a morning of my computer working smoothly. I come back and, even though everyone swears they didn’t touch it, nothing works and when I finally get it restarted, Outlook has kicked me off. It then DEMANDS my password.

I pull out the (useless) office manual. I look up the password, a mix of lowercase and uppercase letters that looks like someone just pushed random keys and the $ symbol. The $ symbol is sans serif, OF FUCKING COURSE. Not only is it sans serif, it’s the disgusting default for Word, Calibri, so the $ symbol’s line doesn’t go all the way through the S. It just peeks out the top and the bottom.

I type the password, including the $ sign. No go.

I type the passwords for everything else my computer does, one after another. Nothing.

I attempt to change the password, but it tells me that a way to do that hasn’t been set up here (surprise! /sarcasm) and the administrator will have to change it. I hope in that moment that the administrator isn’t me because I CAN’T LOG INTO AND/OR OPEN MY EMAIL.

An hour. 60 minutes of my precious life. But I’m tenacious, see. And I will SOLVE THIS DAMN PROBLEM!

And then I remember where I am.

And I remember what has happened before.

And I look at the password and it’s mocking $ again.

“It can’t be…” I said out loud to no one, as I’m now losing my mind slowly alone in the office.

I start typing the jumble of capital and non-capped letters. When I get to the $, I instead type S.


What the ever living…. WHO USES $ for S? Is this a new thing and no one told me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? And then I plan to spend a lot of time, after release-of-frustration typing this post, redoing the (useless) manual and updating the password list, IN A SERIF FONT, so this doesn’t happen again.

Perhaps along the way I’ll have to change some of the passwords. Do you think they would notice if they all started with MORON?






  1. T,

    Ugh! Passwords! They are the bane of my existence tell you what. Although, I must have dozens of the bugger floating through my noggin at any one time, and I am pretty good at remembering them, even when I change the password, which I do often.
    As for as this jazz about dollar signs and S? Can you imagine if Superman would have been down with some bat shit crazy nonsense? Instead of being one of the greatest superheroes of all time, he would’ve been a rapper!

    Liked by 1 person


    1. It still just boggles my mind that someone would use a sans serif font for things like this AND the $… I simply can’t explain. At. ALL. People.

      Superman! What would his rapper name be?

      Liked by 1 person


  2. I think every password should contain the word moron. We all hate them, we all forget them, we all cringe when we’re prompted to come up with a new one. And don’t get me started on the required symbols. Like I’m more apt to remember *+#!^&$? As if.

    Liked by 1 person


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