- Dear Local DVD store,
I’ve been in not once, not twice, not thrice, not, um, fourth-ice, but FIVE times, in the cold, in the rain, more diligent than the freakin’ postman, and do you EVER have Rachel Getting Married? Do you? No! I gave up Netflix for you. Netflix, where I get 2 movies for what you charge for 1. The lovely service that delivers to my door. I tried — I wanted to “buy local” and keep your cute indie doors open. But you have to meet me halfway. Since you can’t, I’m going back to Netflix. What can I say, they meet my needs.
- Dear Indigo Girls,
Please stop coming to town mere days after you put out a new album. I feel like I’m cramming for an exam, trying to learn all these songs in just a couple weeks.
She Who Keeps It On Repeat
- Dear Kelly Clarkson,
Stop writing such catchy songs! My friends are sick of hearing that tune, in between Indigo Girls cramming sessions, over and over and over.
My Life Would Suck Without You… cause we belong…. together… now, yeah… forever united here…. somehow… yeah… See? I can’t STOP!
- Dear Desperate Internet Guy,
Telling me “most women are just heartless” is so WAY the opposite of something to say to make me date you. Nkay?
I’m Just Not That Into You
- Dear Dairy Queen,
- Dear Mother Nature,
Did you not get the calendar with the first day of spring noted in bold letters? Quit it with the wind and the cold. I am only wearing my hoodie from now on. Please stop making me look like an idiot.